(16) PeeDee and the brain: am I my own enemy?

What is realistic?

As you know, dear reader, I have been struggling with the notion of the following: what is fake in the context of being parkinsed? Is it an alter ego, my nervous system and brain as well as the presence of high-jackers as described in an earlier post? These perceptions are depressing when considering both the recorded and the experienced issues surrounding Parkinson's Disease (PD) and the impact of medication. In this post I have decided in favour of pondering on my anguish against the backdrop of recent relief and I hope this lasts. That is, the 'pondering' and not the 'anguish'. So, let's ponder - but first, a detour... 

[The] Pinky and The Brain!

Those of you who were watching television in the mid-nineties might remember an animated series that involved adult-like adventures. Sometimes they interacted with famous people, like former president Bill Clinton. Ostensibly a children's programme, "[The] Pinky and The Brain" was about two rodent-like creatures. Described as "laboratory mice" in the theme song, [The] Brain (the shorter character on the right of the picture below), supposedly the cleverer of the two, uses [The] Pinky (the taller character on the left) as a foil for his fantasies. However, while [The] Pinky appears to be the fool, [The] Brain is never actually able to execute his ingenious plans to take over the world. It is possible that [The] Pinky was created as court jester to provide a sounding board for [The] Brain's frivolous fantasies, thereby giving him some credence. 

While [The] Pinky appears to be the subservient, bumbling fool and [The] Brain appears to be deep, Brain is never able to execute his devious yet ingenious plans to take over the world. So, who is fooling whom? Is one of them 'fake' or was it pure edutainment?

My wife and I loved watching this programme with our children.  So, if you have ever pondered a ponderable, for instance, what do the actual persons doing [The] Pinky and [The] Brain voice-overs look like, go to this interview with actors Rob Paulsen and Maurice Lamarche. Also, if you are curious about my pre-occupation with the use of 'ponder', then do check out this short compilation of excerpts of the best of "Are you pondering what I am pondering..." in [The] Pinky and The Brain. 

PeeDee and my brain

In previous posts I have outlined my assumptions regarding PD and how it has 'highjacked' my body. I also referred to PD as an 'intruder' and how I have had to fight in order to counter the highjacking. Well, let's assume PD is represented by the character Brain, while my resistance and fightback is represented as Pinky. The more PD (that is, a Brain) tries to convince me that I am on a downward spiral, the more I resist and present a conscious fightback so that my muscle memory (driven by a Pinky) responds appropriately. 

The Pinky in me appears to be benefiting from the laser therapy while the Brain is mounting constant attempts to take over my world. Like Pinky, I often appear to be overcome by the intruder, Brain - represented by the intensity of my tremors and my increasingly awkward gait - but my not being on PD medication allows me to resist more deliberately and more often. Good stuff, Pinky. Narf!   

So, am I responding to my new, "normal" alter ego represented by my PD, and a manifestation of my new muscle memory: a Pinky approach! Or, is it "fake" and merely a series of new muscle responses reacting to mood swings and making a grand entrance at appropriate times: a Brain approach? Whatever the case is, here are some facts:

• I was diagnosed with PD in 2013;
• I opted to avoid all chronic PD-related medication;
• The tremors have become progressively and noticeably worse since 2016; 
• Physically I am unfit, overweight and unable to make certain reflex movements;
• I started laser therapy in May, 2020 - four months ago;
• Laser therapy has woken up the mental part of me that has been dormant since 2017; 
• Recently, I have had the urge to do simple exercises everyday; and
• The Brain has always advised me against all exercise in favour of staying in bed!    

Am I in touch with my inner Pinky, with my alter-ego, with the Ari that has been shielded from succumbing to PD because I am not on medication? Or is this a fake sense of well-being before I progress to another phase of being parkinsed? 

I will start weaning myself off the weekly laser treatment at the end of October and attend fortnightly therapy sessions. Stay tuned, dear reader.